Monday, June 23, 2008

Just because I have Cancer....

Just a quick entry here.......From the beginning of this journey I said to myself that just because I have cancer.....and just because I will be a cancer patient in a cancer hospital receiving treatment for cancer, DOES NOT mean I have to LOOK like a Cancer patient. At least, with what little control and power I have, over the situation I still have some choices. So every day, except for the time in the hospital, I made a conscious effort to put on make-up EVERYDAY before going to the BMT Clinic. Thankfully, the chemotherapy did not rob me of my eyelashes or eyebrows (thinned them out, but didn't make them disappear) so everyday I put on mascara and eyebrow brush and blush and lip gloss and finally the bronzer! Doing this made me feel "normal", made me feel feminine and feel like a woman, even though my hair was gone. I also made an effort to dress cute and stylish, like I normally do. It would have been easier to wear pajamas or just a T-shirt and ratty comfortable pants because you are stuck in a bed or recliner all day you're there, but I didn't. I dressed in cute dresses or capris with my cute little shirts and I made sure that my scarf or hat matched my outfit. I can tell you that not one day went by that someone in the BMT clinic didn't compliment or tell me I looked cute or stylish. That feels good when you are being treated for cancer and you have no hair and aren't feeling so particularly attractive! I guess my whole point to this rambling, is you should do the things that are in your power to make YOU feel good about YOU. Again, my treasured Serenity Prayer comes to mind......"God,grant me the serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the Difference". And I knew that putting on make-up and OMG....let's not forget my "BLINGIE" EARRINGS that I am famous for, well, it would just bring some normalcy to a situation that is so very far from normal as you can get!!

2 comments:

Bobbie said...

U R one of the luckey ones, a beatiful shaped head.I am sure you have seen people that should never shave thier heads with all the bumps and wrinkles etc. You look as cute as ever hair or not. Don't know if u remember about Michels best friend Craig being in a motorcycle accident and has spent the last 26 days in the trauma ICU at ORMC but I think we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Please tell Kate or your mom to give me a call if I can help in any way. I don't have the babies on Wed. and they are usully gone by 6 or 6:30. Want to see you when you are up to it. Call at the last minute and I will come in my jammies for a short visit. I Love You Always

Megan said...

Jan, you are a strong woman and you still look just as beautiful without your hair. Reading your journey has inspired me to reinvestigate nursing school as I would love to have the chance to help keep someone like you as comfortable as possible during something that isn't so fun. Hang in there - you are kicking ass!