Tuesday, August 26, 2008

It was time for a Reality Check..... I guess......

My usual routine in the morning, is to start the coffee and go down and get the newspaper. Now, up until about a few weeks ago, I would literally read the paper, front to back. Really. Lately though I've just been "perusing" the paper ( I love when I get to use big people words).....hee hee, because I've been eager to get a jump on making beads and jewelry. But today was different, and I don't know why. I wanted to read the whole paper. Front to back. So I got my cup of java and settled in. Now we come to the part of my Reality Check......I suppose. You know how the Universe works..... sometimes it sends slap you in the face messages you can't ignore. Other times, it just sends oh- so -subtle hints and it's up to you whether to pursue them or not. So this morning I'm reading the paper and in the local section as I'm turning the pages a photo caught my eye and it was in the Obituary section. Now, I know I said I read the paper front to back but the Obits are not part of my regular reading habits! But here on this page I see a photo of a woman, youngish.....(and that gets determined the older I get!)..........and when you see a photo of someone say ,under 60, it does tend to catch your eye. So I read her obituary and it said, and I quote, "she lost her war with a rare blood cancer called Multiple Myeloma". I started to cry. And cry. Here was this beautiful woman with 2 younger kids, she was 44 yo, and she had been battling MM for 2 years and lost the war. Wow. I usually never really think about my cancer. I know that sounds kinds weird, but I really don't. Sure....I have to go to the doctor's 1x a week right now, so that's always a big fat reminder of course, but it's been 10 weeks since my Bone Marrow Transplant and it's kinda like having a baby. You forget how horrid and painful it was as time goes by. It's almost like it was a really bad dream at this point (although I have photos and video that tells me otherwise). So, I guess my roundabout point to all this rambling, is that seeing the obituary of a beautiful young woman who died from the same disease I have, made me do some re-assessing. Is the Universe telling me to stop doing something that would make me healthier and give me more tools to fight MM? Or is there something more I could be doing to gather more tools? Or was it just a heads up to remember that I am living with this disease and be grateful and thankful I am still here. I'm hoping it's the latter and although extremely grateful I survived the BMT (people do die from them), perhaps I need to further pursue my gratefulness. One thing I have decided is that when this jewelry/beadmaking business gets in the black, I will be donating a portion of the proceeds to either the International Myeloma Foundation or the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit of the Moffitt Cancer Center. Ultimately I would love to start a foundation of sorts that helps people monetarily cover expenses that come with a transplant. This I thought of a while ago when Dawn, one of my nurses at Dr. Nair's office, told me about a patient that could not have a BMT because he had no one that could stay with him for the required month when you do it outpatient. He had family, but when people live paycheck to paycheck, or have little kids or whatever the reason may be, no one can afford to take off a month of work and still make their bills. See how lucky and fortunate I am?? I had 2 people who were with me 24/7......Mom and Kate. See what I mean when I say I could NEVER have done this without them? So that makes me think, this poor guy can't be the only person out there who can't have a transplant he needs to give him a shot of living just because there is no one to care for him? Who said life's fair, huh? Insurance doesn't cover stuff like this so having a foundation that would hire someone specifically to stay with someone like him or pay the family's lost wages when they are taking care of the sick person is how I would want monies to help. There is SO MUCH money needed when you have a life threatening illness, you have no idea unless you've been there. My personal bank account just disappeared right before my eyes in the last 1 1/2 years, so I know what it's like. I'll stop here as I know I'm on a tear right now.....that obit shook me up. Not too many people have this disease.....why of all days was today I decided to read the whole paper when I haven't in at least the last few weeks?........and the 44 yo woman DIED. I got some more thinkin' to do, and I am grateful I'm here to do it. Peace

1 comment:

Susan said...

I feel the same way you do..I try to forget what I have or had. I try to live life as normal as possible. I have to go to the cancer clinic once a mo.(I hate it becauses its always a reminder) and when I met people there you become friends and when you hear one after another passes on it hits me like a brick..it hurts every time. I try to live life to the fullest. For me one yr has passed since my transplant and often mm returns after 1 yr,tests are redone and now the waiting begins..I'm positive and hope to stay that way. Thanks for blogging,keep it up