Monday, February 2, 2009

Yep...Still Here...and I'm One Grateful Gal.....

These last four weeks have really been a blur for me. Lots of personal "issues" going down around here, but the negatives are slowly but surely turning into positives. I really don't keep secrets from you as I have always been open and honest about what I write, but the "issues" I am talking about are not mine, so as not to intrude on the privacy of others, I will not talk about them here. I only mention them to you now, as an explanation and so you would understand where my focus has been lately, but all seems to be coming back to what I call my "new normal". About time!! I had a Dr. Nair appt a few weeks ago and having had done the joyful "pee pee" thing the week prior to the appt. I was anxious to see him and go over the results as well as having my bloodwork done at the office, to see what was up with everything in my body these days. GOOD NEWS FRIENDS!! The pee pee contained not even one ugly little MM cell. NONE. NADA. ZILCH. ZERO. I am so proud of my body I just can't stand it!! It has done such a terrific job engrafting all of those little baby stem cells they put back into me. They all did their job and went to their assigned stations and started to work as soon as they arrived! How much better can that be? Dr. Nair and I spoke for quite awhile, and he told me that I am his BEST result ever in Multiple Myeloma treatment. He said that it is quite common to be in "remission" but test results will detect trace amounts of MM cells, and I have none. In cancer talk there are various categories of remission......the top 2 being called Complete Remission which means no cells to be found and the next category down is called Partial Remission...which means they can't find any active MM cells, but they do detect some MM cells. I am just so very fortunate that I have taken so well to the treatment of first the Revlamid and Dex to prepare for the BMT, and then the BMT itself. I know in my heart that I could not have done this alone.....my medical team, the hospital team, my family, my friends, and to all of you and people who I have never even met, praying for me and my recovery. It's really unfathomable and overwhelming when I think about it. I am truly the most fortunate and grateful person alive. Instead of fighting for the right to live my life, I've been given the chance to actually live it once again. How awe inspiring! It makes me cry when I think about it really. To literally face death and being given the opportunity to be able to walk away from it makes me really re-assess who I am, what I should do, where I'm going, and so many many more things. I meditate every day and also pray for guidance and strength. It's all still so much a work in progress.....the way I feel about my remission and what I will do to make the world a better place. When I first got home from my BMT I was seeing Dr. Nair once a week for the 1st 2 months, and then "graduated" to every other week for awhile, and then to once a month and at this last visit, he said that he only wanted to see me every other month now. EEEEEEEEEEK!! My doctor is slowly cutting the umbilical cord! He laughed when I told him that but it's true really. There is a bit of anxiety associated with the fact that you are not seeing your doctor as often. Of course it's a GREAT thing, but when you think about it, I have been seeing him basically, except for a few months, once week since April of 2007!! That's a long time. We have a relationship. So now the little bird (me) is slowly being nudged to the end of the nest and looking down and seeing how far it is from the top of the tree and wondering if I really do have the wings to fly. Him and his staff have supported me and been there for me through the worst of times. I know it must be gratifying for him to "discharge" patients as that means they are well enough to only come back for annual checkups which of course is ultimately my goal as well. It's this middle ground I'm still feeling my way around. Kinda like being a teenager I guess. Not a child and not a grown up yet. Yep....that's me for now :)

25 comments:

Tam said...

That is Fabulous!!!! Also loved all your Christmas pics. I like your new "do", although it's odd to see you without your staight hair. Eat something too will ya!!
Love to you, Tam

Susan said...

Good to see your back and writing again. Its been awhile. I'm so glad that you are doing so well and I hope that things keep on getting better. I have an oncologist appt again on Thurs and it is always an anxious time. Pray that all goes well. Keep in touch and stay away from stress... :)

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