Still Pluggin' Along.....

I'm still working on listing this website stuff, but should be totally done (hopefully) by the end of the week. I want to get back to making my beads and then making jewelry with them.....I miss the creative aspect. I don't consider fiddling on the computer creative, although I suppose it would be, if I was creating actual websites for people (or me) and knew HTML. What a mysterious world that is to me. One day I would love to take a class and become more knowledgeable about the the ways of the computer world. You might as well be speaking to me in a foreign language! To me, I open the program..sign on...read my email.....go to a few websites.....read a few articles.....and that's it for me! I know my computer can do a zillion more things I am totally clueless about and I'm envious of those who DO have that kind of knowledge. I won't take the class though until the chemo brain fog subsides, as I'll learn something and then forget it the following day......if not sooner! I know my limitations! So I'm just farting around getting my things listed to sell and when I'm done I'll be posting the website address, so you can hopefully send it to all on your email list, who will then send to their email list etc etc, as word of mouth is the best advertising of all. I have an appt at Moffitt next week for my 4 month post BMT check up, but because of my "sneak peek" of the labs from the postponed appt I'm not expecting any surprises. I am excited about going though for a couple reasons.......Mom and I are going up the day before the appt because I have to be there at 8:00 am and to do that from here we'd practically have to get up in the middle of the night and leave, so going up the day before and staying in a hotel so it'll be less stressful. But I'm excited because Mom and I are meeting up with my friend Kala who I met at Moffitt when Kate and I went to "Art Therapy" during my BMT. She is a Volunteer at the Moffitt Cancer Center and an artist who does beautiful work and she has also branched out into making jewelry too!! We are going to meet at her studio and then go for some Thai Food. I'm also looking forward to seeing all the doctors and nurses who were involved in my BMT journey, as I developed a relationship with them and want to give them a big hug and tell show them what a great job they did (ME!). Don't forget to scroll to the bottom of the page and sign up as a "follower" please. Thanks!

Cancer.......The Gift of Clarity

We are all a work in perpetual progress, hopefully becoming a bigger and better person every day. To wake up EVERY morning and set goals and be determined to make this a better day than yesterday is the goal. To make YOU a better you than you were the day before is the goal. When you are diagnosed with cancer, one of the many gifts you receive from it, if you are OPEN & CHOOSE to receive it, is the gift of clarity in seeing the big picture. Now don't get me wrong, I'm as guilty as the next person of losing that focus from time to time, we're only human after all, but the ability to keep clarity in the forefront of every day is a true blessing. Since I have been diagnosed and gone through the torturous bone marrow transplant and lived to tell the tale, it has made me so aware of living each and every moment as best I can and being the best person I can possibly be. I'm talking about the inside stuff. Only you know what your core is feeling. You can pretend to be happy or nice or whatever and delude yourself into thinking that's the way you are, but only your soul knows exactly what your true intentions are. This is what you putting out into the Universe, not the playacting stuff. Cancer has given me the ability to really know myself and my core and my intentions on a soul level and that in turn guides me to be a better person each day. Am I making any sense to you? I hope so. You know how the ole saying goes "why re-invent the wheel" ? I say this because I don't want YOU to learn this lesson the hard way......accept it as my gift to you. Do some meditation, get quiet within, and have a nice long conversation with yourself. Ask questions and LISTEN for the answers as you do have all of the answers, we usually just don't get quiet enough within to hear. Ask for guidance and strength to follow through. So getting back to my "cancer" gift of clarity, I just wanted to share that although cancer SUCKS big time, if you open yourself up to the lesson, there always is one.

Told ya.......I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK

Yay......posting 2 days in a row! Whoa......that hasn't happened in a while. I'm taking a break from "computer work" (well that's not really true is it?..... as I'm writing on it now)........but this isn't work, talking to you. I was referring to fiddling around on these websites I am putting together which between chemo brain and just plain being moronic when it comes to computers, it presents quite a challenge most times. So.... as I was saying, I'm taking a break to eat a peanut butter sandwich. I am currently addicted to Peter Pan honey roasted peanut butter on toast or a bagel, as my mid morning and mid afternoon snack (hey it could be worse, it has protein and is fattening) AND of course, I'm watching my UF GATORS play Ole Miss right now. Go Gators. Just a side thought....I LOVE Football!! Many women I think, may not care for it that much, but I guess I grew up in a football watching family (Mom & Dad) so that I learned to love the sport too. My mom, right now, can tell you who plays where, how they're doing etc etc!! It used to be just Sunday and the Pros but since Linz went off to college, I've added College Football so NOW it's Saturdays & Sundays. Oh what a busy schedule I have (wink wink). It's kinda nice to not have a deadline in my life right now, seeing as the last 6 weeks were dictated by a "schedule" of events, so I am enjoying this down time of picking and choosing what I want to do and when I want to do it. I thank the Universe everyday for providing me with that opportunity. I need to take some time and catch up on long overdue emails to Tam (my wonderful cousin in Wichita), to Sam (to thank her for my birthday card), to Wendy, to Colleen, to Kathy (my sis in law) and Kala (my artist friend who was brought into my life at Moffitt), so I'm thinking after the game I'm gonna do just that. Again, another thing I am grateful for is having these amazing people and MORE in my life and I need to nurture these relationships. I really didn't have a topic per se, for this entry, but the above just gave me food for thought, and believe me, I have alot of things I want to talk to you about. But back to relationships.......why else are we here? On the big Life Scoreboard do we measure a successful life by how many things we own, or what we can afford to buy, or where we've gone on vacation? and on and on and on? Nope, I don't think so. I think we will be asked....."how well do you think you did in the relationship dept"? Did you tell your family and friends that you love them? Often? Did you do all you could to let that person know they are special to you? That you are glad they are in your life? Those are just a few of the many questions, I feel we will be asked when meeting face to face with the Creator of the Universe, and I want to be able to answer them in the way I would like to be able to answer them. I think it is true that ALL people come into your life for a reason (yep......even the cranky person in line in front of you at the grocery store), some people come into our life for the whole duration, and some are meant to share our lives just for portions of our journey. Some even come in, go out, and then come back in......all serving a higher purpose. It is up to us to nurture these relationships if they are important to us. So I will take the time RIGHT NOW to tell you ALL that I am so thankful you are in my life, whether you are family, friend or just stumbled upon my blog and left an anonymous comment, I appreciate you. Having you in my life feels good. Again, because it is a new feature on my blog, please scroll down and sign up as a follower if you are reading this, as it helps me to realize I'm just not talking to myself!! LOL......I hear they can "lock you up for that" (hee hee)

WHEW......Finally Catching my Breath...

Sorry it's been a week guys, but that's what happens when you run out of gas! I have been metaphorically stuck on the side of the road, just sitting there, waiting for the gas tank to magically fill up and it happened today. So yay...back to active life again :) The crash was just a culmination of 6 weeks of craziness between cleaning out the garage, Lindsay coming home for a week and helping with her move, the garage sale, making jewelry for the show, and then the show itself. I came home Sunday late afternoon and just crashed. I tend to forget I am only 3 months post BMT (which is a good thing really) but then again, I really do need to take it somewhat slower than I have been these last few weeks, and I intend to do just that. I have soooo many things I want to write about, that it's hard to know where to start, so I'll just give you the show thoughts right now, but many more are brewing in my head. Some cancer stuff and some not. The show was a success in many ways and I'm glad I did it. Again, I couldn't have done it without Kate and Mom for sure, and Greg, my brother pitched in and transported the tables and tent for me which was a big help. Putting together the show was alot of work, both physical and mental, but I enjoyed it and didn't get all stressy or anything.....it was just a constant. I must have been running on adrenaline (or fumes) those last few days though as when I crashed I really did crash.......I mean I had NOTHING left in the ole tank!! I met lots of really really nice people at the show, sold some stuff, and started a customer list for emails......so I met my goals for the show. I wore a scarf on my head and my australian cowboy hat, but that doesn't really hide the fact I'm bald, which turned out to be a real conversation starter!! LOL........ when we did tell my story briefly, I got so many hugs and best wishes, it was great. So I basically received validation on all levels this weekend.....that people loved my jewelry, bought my jewelry, took my cards to go to the websites, about 6 people wanted to have a home jewelry party and I received compliments on how well I looked and am doing post BMT. I couldn't have asked for better results. I've posted a few show photos and when I am through listing items on my website I'll post a link here so you can take a peek. Thanks for hangin in there with me and I'll post again tomorrow. I've added a few new features to my blog if you scroll down to the very bottom of the page you'll see them. You can "subscribe" (PLEASE DO IF YOU READ MY BLOG) to it and will be notified when I make a new entry (I think that's how it works!) and there are a few other options down there, that I have yet to figure out!! I wish I was a "techie" :)

Down to the Wire....

Well it's basically "D-DAY" for me and the art show countdown has begun! Thought I'd take a few minutes to check in as I know I won''t be writing for the next few days as I'll be busy with the weekend craft show and probably crash and burn when I get home both days, so no computer time will be on my agenda until Monday. It is from 10-4 both SAT and SUN, so Monday I will be a blob of humanity I'm sure. It's a crappy thing, but when I am "out of my routine" it really kicks my ass. I'll be getting up early on both days to have the time in the morning to move.....my first 2 hours awake are horrid as I am so stiff and achy and until I get a heating pad on my back and neck and the meds kick in, I can barely hold a conversation or move! What a fun person I am in the mornings! So I have to give myself those extra 2 hours in the morning to resemble a somewhat normal person before beginning my day. Being the perfectionist I am, I look around at what I have to display for the show, and I'm like....I need to make another watch......or bracelet or a whatever.......so there comes a time, when ready or not.....I just gotta stop and today's the day. I have too many other things on my gotta get done today list , like going for groceries to make sandwiches and get snacks for the 2 show days, get the cooler from the depths of the garage and clean it out.....if I wrote here what is on my "to-do" list for today I would run out of internet room! I'm excited that Kate, my sissie, is coming up to help me with the show and of course, Mom will be there and Ashley will help to set up for the show with us. I have to pick up some rental tables, make some signs.....oops.....starting to list my massive list so I'll STOP NOW!! LOL.....I crack myself up with so much on my plate, but ya know what? It's all good. I don't have any cancer cells right now (do the cabbage patch), so I feel invincible at the present time. I can do anything I want. Yeah for me!! Well this is a quick one I know, but "duty's calling" and I'm almost ready to move for the day so time's a wastin! My main objective for doing this weekend festival is not so much to sell stuff although that would be awesome, it's more to generate a mailing list for my websites as that's where I plan to do the majority of my business..... on the internet. I do plan on approaching boutiques and spas and other places about carrying my line at some point, but that's down the road in my business plan. For now, I just want to get out there and pass out my business cards with my websites name and address and start to make a customer base per se, to direct traffic there. I'd like to schedule doing shows every few months and also get people to sign up for hosting Home Jewelry Parties. So selling my things at the show would be icing on the cake, but with the economy the way it is right now, I'm not expecting big sales at all. Perhaps doing a show or two around the Holiday.....Nov and Dec.....would generate more sales. When I have my websites up and running with lots of items listed, I'll post a link here from my blog. Wish me Luck!
Peace & Love

Line up for HIGH FIVES People........

Now, in my feeble little chemotherapy ridden brain, (no more comments here please hee hee) all of my friends, family and those new people in my life who wandered have into my blog and have commented (you're in the friend category now) are all lined up in a row......sort of like the wedding party at the reception, when you are greeting your guests.

Now back to that scenario in a minute.....but first....a backstory

For a month or so now, I have already had on the calendar, a Moffitt Cancer Center 3 month post BMT checkup for Wednesday 9/17 (yesterday). About 10 days ago I had to go to an independent lab and have 5 vials of blood drawn for every test under the sun and to drop off a 24 hour urine collection (always a fun thing to collect). The lab was to fax the results to my Doctor at Moffitt. Well, being the absolutely crazy woman I am, I was just too dang busy with this upcoming weekend "craft festival" I have a booth in, to spend practically a day and a half going to Tampa and back, and I need the time to get ready for this show, which by the way is a whole lot of work!! So on Monday I called Moffitt, and said I needed to re-schedule due to auto problems (true story, my Jeep is in the shop.....although a partial fib, because Mom was gonna drive anyway). I was speaking to the nurse of Dr. Ben, my doctor at Moffitt, about all this. Anyway she tells me that Dr. Ben is only at Moffitt one day a week and his next opening wouldn't be until Oct.8th, and then my blood and urine results would be inaccurate having been taken nearly a month before, so I would have to have them re-done. So my request to re-schedule, is just a pain in the ass for them I'm sure! So she says, let me contact Lab Corp and have them fax me your results and if you are ok we will re-schedule for Oct.8th BUT if I see something.....ANYTHING, I don't like, I will just overbook/doublebook you for the following Wed. but expect to do a bit of waiting since I would be squeezing you in. I told her that worked out fine for me and to call and let me know what's up and when to put it on my calendar, after she got my lab fax. Within a half hour, the nurse called me back and we verbally went over my results and I had her also fax me a copy (I have a copy of ALL my labs, tests etc. since Day #1).

SO now back to my feeble little chemotherapy ridden mind

You are all lined up in that wedding reception type line because I am going down the line
GIVING HIGH FIVES TO ALL

My blood is PERFECT right now!
Liver and other organs just SUPER!
NOT a CANCER CELL to be found in either blood or urine!
A MIRACLE is happening!

Even though I have been so busy getting this show stuff together, I would stop during the day and do the "cabbage patch" and sing..... "I'm doin good" and "I don't have any cancer cells" (you must do these in a sing- songy way) and then the most important of all...."Thanks God, for these awesome results" (not sing-songy)

So needless to say I don't have a Moffitt appt until October 8th.. YIPPEE!!

Thank you ALL for sending so much love and support my way because if I was in this alone, I know the results would be different. I truly believe that having you all saying prayers & sending your positive thoughts and wishes, plays a huge role in all of this as it makes my outlook positive, increasing my endorphins, and creating a positive and healing atmosphere in my feeble little chemotherapy ridden brain! (kinda catchy little phrase huh?)

If you notice the time stamp on this entry it's EARLY for me to be writing (started around 8:15 am) because I have a really full day ahead of me and if I didn't do it now, the day would slip away and another day without an entry would go by, and I don't like that much. I feel like I am getting to "talk" to you when I write here. I feel guilty I haven't written more lately, but it's due to the show, and I'll get back to my daily or every other day ramblings after this coming weekend.

So THANK YOU for everything
I am a really happy person right now

Love and Peace to all

The Cancer Movie

Hi Everyone
Just wanted to share this little clip with you. It pretty much sums up the whole "cancer thing" for me.
http://www.thesurvivormovie.com/

Be back soon............gotta upload jewelry photos I took today FINALLY!

Update on Blood Counts.....

Today I had an appointment to have my twice a month blood work done at Dr. Nair's office. As I've said before I have now "graduated" to only seeing him once a month and having blood draws every other week. Quite the change in the ole routine having been to the office once a week for well over a year and actually seeing the doctor every other week. I'm a big girl now!! :) Actually I did gain a pound at the "official weigh-in" today so I'm up to a strapping 94 lbs. now. I was hanging at 96 for a month or so and then got down to 93 (please don't tell my mom....wink wink) so at least it's back on the way up. I think I'm going to add the dreaded Ensure or Boost although the thought of it makes me cringe after drinking it during the transplant phase of all this. Looking at the bottle kinda gives me the heebie-jeebies, but I really need to put on some weight. It's one thing to be thin and healthy looking, but I am not. I look like a cancer patient. LOL...I crack myself up. What a weird sense of humor I have. I had to laugh today at the doctors office too. I just must be in one of those moods today. Every time I go it is the same routine. I get called in......go back to their little "cubbies" where they ask me questions, take my temp and blood pressure, draw blood and then we wait for the results. So today when the gal was asking her questions that I have heard for how many visits now......(let's see every week for the last year and a half equals how many visits.....ah shit....you do the math). Anyway, the questions are how is your appetite? Are you sleeping? Do you have constipation or diarrhea? Do you have mouth sores? Tons of questions to which I answer fair or no. But it made me think..........sheesh..........I tell people about my bowel/bladder regime on a weekly basis!! Now how many of you have THAT come up in conversation weekly? Anyway, today it just tickled me. My labs were good today even though I have been back on the Acyclovir once a day. It brought my platelet level crashing at one point and he stopped it for 2 weeks. I did take it 2x a day but now only take it once. My WBC are 5.0 (normal 4.1)...........RBC are 3.62 (normal 4.20) so they are a little low which makes me anemic and tired (what else is new?) and the platelets came up ONE point to 128 with being on acyclovir for 2 weeks. Those are the babies that are last to grow and told me it could take up to a year to be in the normal range which is 140. So that's that my friends! Peace

Something I Wanted to Share.....

Hi All
I'm too tired right now to articulate my thoughts and share them (some of them, like Lindsay leaving for Las Vegas today, I'm not even ready to touch>>>BOO HOO>>>)..... but I came across this today and loved it, so I wanted to share it with you.

A Mirror is only as good as the reflection in it
An appreciative heart attracts more of what it appreciates
Adversity does not build character, but reveals it
Worry just enough to be prepared
Melt the icy fingers of fear with the sunshine of hope
A good way to forget your troubles is to help another with theirs
The sweetest grapes are picked from the vineyard of friendship
Being in a good frame of mind helps your immune system
People don't care what you think until they know how much you care
Don't be so busy adding up your problems that you forget to count your blessings
We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails
The seemingly impossible large issue can always be broken down into smaller possibilities
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift.....
that's why it is called The Present

Garage Sale Day #2

And I thought I was tired last night!! HA Today we got up at 6:00 am and started the garage sale routine and thank the stars it's finally over. Please oh please, if I EVER say I'm going to have a garage sale again, take me back behind the shed and shoot me. I haven't had one in soooooo long that I had forgotten how much work is involved in running one. I had all the help in the world today and we were very busy so we made some money from our unwanted items, so that's good. It's the picking up afterward.....boxing up what you just took OUT of boxes to give to the American Cancer Society's thrift shop. The aftermath is the killer! If I could just go in the house after it was over and then it all disappeared, well, that would have been great. But no........it was all there, just staring me down, so we tried to make quick work of the clean up. Ash, Linz, Anthony and especially Kevin were VERY helpful, moving the bigger items, going to the trash dump and Kevin even trimmed my driveway of branches today, which was a gigantic help to me because I just don't have the strength or stamina right now to do the things I used to. I'm working on it, just don't have it right now. I have 2 weekends till my ALL DAY craft show, and it will probably take every second of those 2 weeks to get ready for that. I think I am a crazy person!! Taking all this on at one time.........sheesh. And in the middle of those 2 weeks I have to drive to Tampa and go to Moffitt for my 3 month check-up. Fingers crossed and say a prayer that all is well and on course. My sissie and friend Steph will be coming up to help me with the show along with my mom, so that will be a huge help. Again, something I couldn't do without them! It still rates underneath the bone marrow transplant help though!! LOL. I am so dang tired I'm surprised I can type legibly (thanks spellcheck) and I plan on doing NOTHING but watching the GATORS slaughter MIAMI tonite in football. Everybody do the Gator Chomp now....good job. Peace Out!

Garage Sale day #1

Whew.........I'm pooped! Set the alarm for 5:00 am this morning as you know how much work a garage sale is if you've ever had one and I am in such bad shape in the mornings it takes forever for me to be able to move around decently. Thank the heavens for heating pads is all I'm saying. :) It's especially hard to have one when you have a zillion items to put out and display. I wanted to put an ad in our local Pennysaver paper, which is a popular thing to do around here for a garage sale, and their deadline is Mondays at 5:00 pm. Well....last Monday was a holiday so I didn't get it in in time for the Wednesday and Saturday editions because the deadline was the previous Friday because of the holiday. So we decided to keep it a 2 day affair anyway and put up signs in strategic corners for today and knowing the Saturday edition of the Pennysaver will be out around 6:00 am tomorrow which will carry our ad. So the customers today came from street signs only, so we're expecting a larger crowd tomorrow. I think I sold a bit over $150 today so that's not too bad considering it RAINED for half of the allotted time! So I just set the alarm for 6:00 to get an extra hour of sleep since most of the stuff is still in the driveway covered up (our house is set way back on a lake so you can't see it from the road) and only some things will need to be put out, unlike today. Mom came over to help in the morning so there was 4 of us to pull it together......not too bad really. We even closed shop around 1 because it rained hard starting around then and we were tired of the tarps on....tarps off.....tarps on.....tarps off dance we had done throughout the day. Kevin came up tonite for the weekend too since Linz will be leaving for Vegas on Monday (still in denial here) so he'll help with all the heavy/man stuff tomorrow. My 94 pounds and stamina just don't cut it these days! Will catch you up on the final sales tally probably Sunday or Monday when things get back to the regular routine and the dust settles! Later (Florida) Gators

Now it's.....Happy Birthday to Lindsay!.....

Hey All........Today 9/2 is Lindsay's 25th Birthday! Hard to believe I gave birth to her so many years ago. I look at the woman she has become and am so proud to be her Mom. She is and always will be my "baby"! We are 5 days and 29 years apart, so that makes her a Virgo like me and supposedly Virgos aren't supposed to get along with each other as we tend to be know it alls (who me?) and we are perfectionistic folks who always tend to think we know the best way to do things (who me?) hee hee BUT it turns out that some of the people in my life I have become closest to have all been Virgos!! So go figure. I do believe in astrology type things but that one doesn't hold any water in my book! It's been a really busy week starting with the garage ordeal of cleaning it up and making room for her "chit" to go in there. My house looks like a war zone because we figured the things she was actually packing and taking to Vegas would be lined up on one side of the dining room table and the "I'm not sure I have to go through it" is on the OTHER side of the dining room table so therefore, thankfully I have a pretty large table in the breakfast nook so we at least can sit there and eat or at the bar at the kitchen because every other place is packed with boxes and "stuff". She's only here a week before moving to Vegas so she's on a time frame to get a bunch of her own stuff done......see some friends she won't be seeing for awhile......and going through a MASSIVE amount of who knows what in piles. Sheesh.....it's wearing me out just thinking about it! On top of everything else going on I've committed myself to show my jewelry at a local but rather big "Fall Festival of the Arts" the 2nd week in September......I have a Moffitt Cancer appt. a few days before the festival.........I need to start 2 websites where I plan on selling my jewelry BEFORE the show so I can have the website name on my business cards at the show.....and I can't begin to tell you the endless list of misc crap that is also on my "to-do" list. So.......for a recovering cancer patient I'm not heeding the advice of "take it easy" very well these days!! I like being busy though, but want to PICK what I want to be busy with.......LOL......and some of these tasks are not my choice! Making beads and jewelry is fun for me......I can feel the endorphins for happiness helping to repair my body, so that's a good thing. It's like........oh, I have cancer?..that's right, I do! LOL I'm too busy right now to give it a 2nd thought so it's being put in it's place in a dark corner and being ignored for now, which is exaclty where it needs to be! Before I go, I want to mention that I have received comments on my blog from those who have just "happened" upon it. I want to thank you for joining me on my journey and welcome you to my "family". Although we have never met, I appreciate your replies and comments and it makes my day when I receive a notice that someone has commented. Your comments do not show me your email address though, so I can't respond back, so if you'd like email me at jrgaf@aol.com and I will be glad to email back and forth with you. If you have any questions re: treatment, the BMT or meds....anything I can help you with, please write and I'll be more than happy to help. If I can give back in any way, it's the very least I can do. Peace to all

Happy Birthday to Me.......

Hi Everyone
Well today, August 28th, is my Birthday! Up until now....I'd say from hitting 30, birthdays became more of a nuisance than anything else. In my 20's it was "Whoa.....let's go PARTY".....in my 30's it was "Let's invite the family and some friends over for a BBQ".............in my 40's it was "AHHHH....no big deal, let's just go grab a bite to eat (if that) LOL........and the 50's well it was "Let's start counting backwards!" However, in light of recent events I believe it's come full circle and back to the 20's mentality of "Let's PARTY". I have EVERY reason in the world to begin actually CELEBRATING my Birthdays now. I never thought I'd give Birthdays another thought really. C'mon....it just means we're getting older and more wrinkly and lots of other fun stuff, but NOW I am more than happy to rejoice in and celebrate the fact that I have lived for a whole additional year. Please embrace my philosophy friends. You are here. You have a life and no matter what shitty thing may be going on in it right this minute, well, nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass. Live each day to its fullest. Stop and smell the flowers. Look for the positive and lessons in all things. See what birthdays do for me now? LOL Another milestone in my life worth giving a second glance at. On top of this, I had a Doctor Nair appt yesterday and my numbers have never looked better! Yay for my blood! (I'd pat in on the back, but it keeps moving). My beautiful white blood cells are WAY in the normal range. My red blood cells are just a titch under normal and those sweet little platelets of mine went from 114 last week to 128 this week. I had to have my once a month IV session yesterday but it seemed to go rather quickly and I didn't even get to read the whole paper before I was done. Dr. Nair said I have "graduated" to only seeing him once a month now, but will go in every other week for bloodwork. Kinda crazy when I think that pretty much every second of every day has been basically accounted for for at least the last year and a half of my life and now the reins have loosened. Kinda scary and kinda not. I'll write a whole new blog one of these days about how I feel about that. So today I got an email Birthday from my wonderful friend Colleen, who I can't believe she remembered my birthday after all these years, I got another email from my sis-in-law Kathy and my sissie Kate has sent me 5....count em.....5.....birthday cards!! I haven't talked to her yet today, but know she'll call later on. Got a call from my brother Greg to wish me a Happy Birthday and also a call from my step dad Van. And of course Ashley told me first thing this morning and Linz called from Gainesville. Linz, Anthony and Kevin will be here at some point tomorrow from moving her butt from the apt in G'ville to here, so we plan on going out to my favorite restaurant tomorrow night. In the meantime I've been really busy cleaning up my garage to make room for her stuff to be here, as we are going to have a massive garage sale the 1st weekend in Sept to get rid of it all. The garage was a royal mess as I see it as a GIANT purse and just throw stuff in it for years so you can imagine the mess it was and how disorganized! Whateve doesn't sell will be donated to the American Cancer Society's local thrift shop here. It's all good stuff, just not what we want and I really do want my garage back so I can set up a studio for making beads and jewelry out there, as the bedroom is getting a bit crowded with all my supplies! I promise to take some photos soon and post them. Peace to all

It was time for a Reality Check..... I guess......

My usual routine in the morning, is to start the coffee and go down and get the newspaper. Now, up until about a few weeks ago, I would literally read the paper, front to back. Really. Lately though I've just been "perusing" the paper ( I love when I get to use big people words).....hee hee, because I've been eager to get a jump on making beads and jewelry. But today was different, and I don't know why. I wanted to read the whole paper. Front to back. So I got my cup of java and settled in. Now we come to the part of my Reality Check......I suppose. You know how the Universe works..... sometimes it sends slap you in the face messages you can't ignore. Other times, it just sends oh- so -subtle hints and it's up to you whether to pursue them or not. So this morning I'm reading the paper and in the local section as I'm turning the pages a photo caught my eye and it was in the Obituary section. Now, I know I said I read the paper front to back but the Obits are not part of my regular reading habits! But here on this page I see a photo of a woman, youngish.....(and that gets determined the older I get!)..........and when you see a photo of someone say ,under 60, it does tend to catch your eye. So I read her obituary and it said, and I quote, "she lost her war with a rare blood cancer called Multiple Myeloma". I started to cry. And cry. Here was this beautiful woman with 2 younger kids, she was 44 yo, and she had been battling MM for 2 years and lost the war. Wow. I usually never really think about my cancer. I know that sounds kinds weird, but I really don't. Sure....I have to go to the doctor's 1x a week right now, so that's always a big fat reminder of course, but it's been 10 weeks since my Bone Marrow Transplant and it's kinda like having a baby. You forget how horrid and painful it was as time goes by. It's almost like it was a really bad dream at this point (although I have photos and video that tells me otherwise). So, I guess my roundabout point to all this rambling, is that seeing the obituary of a beautiful young woman who died from the same disease I have, made me do some re-assessing. Is the Universe telling me to stop doing something that would make me healthier and give me more tools to fight MM? Or is there something more I could be doing to gather more tools? Or was it just a heads up to remember that I am living with this disease and be grateful and thankful I am still here. I'm hoping it's the latter and although extremely grateful I survived the BMT (people do die from them), perhaps I need to further pursue my gratefulness. One thing I have decided is that when this jewelry/beadmaking business gets in the black, I will be donating a portion of the proceeds to either the International Myeloma Foundation or the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit of the Moffitt Cancer Center. Ultimately I would love to start a foundation of sorts that helps people monetarily cover expenses that come with a transplant. This I thought of a while ago when Dawn, one of my nurses at Dr. Nair's office, told me about a patient that could not have a BMT because he had no one that could stay with him for the required month when you do it outpatient. He had family, but when people live paycheck to paycheck, or have little kids or whatever the reason may be, no one can afford to take off a month of work and still make their bills. See how lucky and fortunate I am?? I had 2 people who were with me 24/7......Mom and Kate. See what I mean when I say I could NEVER have done this without them? So that makes me think, this poor guy can't be the only person out there who can't have a transplant he needs to give him a shot of living just because there is no one to care for him? Who said life's fair, huh? Insurance doesn't cover stuff like this so having a foundation that would hire someone specifically to stay with someone like him or pay the family's lost wages when they are taking care of the sick person is how I would want monies to help. There is SO MUCH money needed when you have a life threatening illness, you have no idea unless you've been there. My personal bank account just disappeared right before my eyes in the last 1 1/2 years, so I know what it's like. I'll stop here as I know I'm on a tear right now.....that obit shook me up. Not too many people have this disease.....why of all days was today I decided to read the whole paper when I haven't in at least the last few weeks?........and the 44 yo woman DIED. I got some more thinkin' to do, and I am grateful I'm here to do it. Peace

Fay Fay Go Away.....

Howdy folks........wow is the rain coming down here or what? Tropical Storm Fay has overstayed her welcome here and it actually wasn't so bad yesterday, a little rain and some wind, but today.....LOTS of rain and LOTS of wind. I just keep sayin a little prayer the electricity won't go out!! We've had some flickers where you had to reset all the clocks in the house, but I really hate when the electricity goes down. Bummer, so keep your fingers crossed!! The weather outside is the exact opposite of how I feel on the inside. What a contradiction. I'm sitting here with my IPOD clock thingie turned up full blast, making jewelry and having the best time. The rain pounding and the wind whooshing is a really cool sound when you think about. I like these kinds of days sometimes. We turned the AC down really low in case it goes out, so the house will stay cooler longer if it does. So I'm sitting here listening right now to Eric Clapton singing "Cocaine". Does life get any better than this? It's cold inside which I love (except for the Florida Power bill), I'm surrounded with beautiful beads and such, some my own creation and I'm also using lots of broken up vintage beads to incorporate into my designs, the artistic juices are flowing and I'm listening to probably the best music EVER created. Thank the Lord for the 70's classic rock and roll, that's all I gotta say! Life is good people......no matter what is going on in your life.....you are here to experience it.......that's all I'm saying. Peace

Just Checkin' In......

Hey everyone, how's it going for you? I have had a pretty busy week, so that's why no posts since last week. Last weekend the family went to Gainesville to see Lindsay graduate from the University of Florida. YAY!!! The ceremony was beautiful, Linz looked gorgeous, and a great time was had by all. After the ceremony, we all went out to eat at this Asian Fusion restaurant and I had the best shrimp thing for dinner. I'd like some right now actually! I've been watching the Olympics, but of course the one sport I love to watch has been relegated to starting around 1:00 AM, and that's of course, softball, so I've been taping and watching it the next day. I've also decided to make the big jump into starting my own jewelry business, since my bead making endeavor has been going really well. I get compliments when I wear my stuff and I made some things for my sister and her friend Steph, and they also tell me they are getting compliments. I'm gonna start small and go to a Arts/Crafts Festival locally and see how well the "public" likes my things, and then go from there. Kind of a riot huh, that I am only 9 weeks out from a bone marrow transplant, really not knowing if I'll live or die from this dreaded cancer, and here I am hoping to start my own business. What a hoot I am! I wonder what I think sometimes! Kate said she sees it as very life affirming and positive, so I'm gonna go with that! I'll take some photos soon and post them and I'd like your feedback too. Be honest.....you won't hurt my feelings :) So that's why I've been pretty busy this week, getting ready for the show and being out of town. I had an appt yesterday with the doc's office......didn't see him, that's next week....just did the blood thing with of course my favorite person, Tonya, and guess what?? The ole platelets have moved up again, so all's still looking pretty good. The whites and reds are still a wee bit below normal, but hey, I'm still recovering and we'll give them time. They are just below the normal range though, so nothing to get excited about. Guess that's it for now. Talk to you in a few days!

Yippee Yi Yo Yi Yay.....

Two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar.......all for Jan's Platelets, stand up and Holler!! As you can probably tell I went to Dr. Nair today and had the usual bloodwork done, and lo and behold, the platelets are comin in at 107! Last week as you'll recall they registered a lousy 71 on the platelet report card, having been in the hundreds since I had been home. My oh so smart doctor, thought it may be the the medication to prevent shingles, and that's why he makes the big bucks folks, he was right! That's a heavy load off my mind to have them back at somewhat closer to the normal range. So I'm to stay off the meds for another week, and see what the numbers are then. If they're still OK then I'll start back on the med, taking it once a day instead of twice like I had been doing. All in all, whites are still a bit low and so are the reds, but nothing to get concerned about, just the normal fluctuations we expect. So yay for my platelets......way to go little guys :) And yes, I do talk to my body quite alot......trying to be as complementary as possible, but when I have an issue with it, I am diplomatic but forceful about correcting itself. Somebody has to keep this Multiple Myeloma in line! Well, just wanted to give you the latest result. Now I'm gonna go pack for my weekend in Gainesville, to see my baby graduate from the #1 Party School!! I wonder if that's written on the diploma anywhere? I'll read it carefully and let you know :)

The Moon or Something.......

Is it a summer equinox? Are we having an eclipse I don't know about? The reason I ask is that although I have been very busy today, I have this underlying philosophical thread running through my brain. Perhaps it is leftover chemo or maybe just the Universe sending me some sort of message that I need to rummage through some cereal boxes and see if there is one of those "decoder rings" they used to give as a prize so I can figure it out! I've written a bunch of thoughts down in my trusty notebook, my maybe one day will turn into a book of essays on Living with Cancer, but for the time being, I'm just going to log them in my notebook......give them a once over after a day or two to see if they make sense.......and then I'll share them with you.

Helen Keller......

While reading some things the other day,I came across a quote by Helen Keller. Now, I don't think ANYONE would argue that this woman is the epitome of determination. The quote from her reads: " Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved." Wow.....if only I could be so profound! This quote really stopped me in my tracks and caused me to think very deeply (ouch.....my brain hurts cuz I got no hair to cushion it!) So I get to thinking, dangerous I know, that each and every one of us must be so dang strong because all of us in our own ways have lived through trials and suffering. Some really really BIG stuff and some not so big, but none the less has caused a blip in our lives as a lesson for us, big or small. Is it to appreciate good health? Is it to learn to blow off the little daily irritations? Is it to enjoy family and friends? We each have our own lessons to learn, some we have to learn all by ourselves, and others we learn in the company of others.

The Graduation Party......

Last weekend Lindsay's Dad, Kevin, threw her a "Graduation from University of Florida" Party. Here's where I say>>>GO GATORS! It was a quick trip for Mom and I since we didn't leave till Sat. morning, got there about noon, hung out at Kate's where I saw Bonnie, who I hadn't seen in quite some time (good to see you Bon..you look great!), and then got dressed and headed to Kevin's house for the big shindig. Kevin and Ashley did an awesome job decorating the house and patio, all with the good ole Orange and Blue and there, of course, was tons of food and anything you could have possibly wanted to drink. There were lots of people there.......some I knew and some I didn't. I have to say I haven't been to a party in quite some time, and I had such a GREAT time. The best part was seeing people I hadn't seen in almost 20 years!! Everyone looked good and I was just the social butterfly flitted from one person to the next and playing catch-up with all these people I used to hang out with all the time. My favorite person to see, who I hadn't seen in so long, was my friend Colleen. Colleen, you look exactly like you did the day we met so long ago and I was so happy to see you and Chrystal. Colleen and I go way back to when the kids were about 2 or so....Linz wasn't even born yet and and Colleen is her God-Mother. We lost track in some way and now have reconnected for which I am so grateful. I must say that of all the times we have spent together with and without the kids, that we BOTH have a particular snapshot of a time etched in our memory, was amazing to me. When I started to talk about it, you finished my sentence!! I was surprised, and yet not, in some way, as we always had a spiritual connection too. I also of course, loved seeing my Mother in Law and my 2 nieces Kristy and Pepper along of course with my sis in law, Kathy. She has come to visit me since I've been back from Moffitt and was going to be one of my primary caregivers when we thought I was going to come home sick. Luckily, I didn't need her for that, but always enjoy her company and visits. All in all, everyone had a great time and I can't believe my baby is graduating. More on that and "The Move" later when I am out of denial :)