Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Report....

My primary care physician referred me to an orthopedic doctor for my back pain on January 5, 2007 (told you I'd go as soon after the holidays as I could :). The orthopedic sent me for an MRI, but they couldn't do it until January 16th. So on the 16th, I entered the dreaded MRI machine (yes....I am claustrophobic so having this test done is an hour of torture for me!) I then called the hospital on January 18th to see if the results had been read and they said yes, so being curious and anxious about the results, I went up to the hospital to pick up the report, because my next appointment with the orthopedic doctor wasn't until January 22nd, and I wanted to see what the report said before going to the doctors. I didn't want to go that whole weekend just wondering and wondering what what was going on in my body. Now, I'm not a physician by any means, but I was a therapist for over 20 years, so I know my fair share of medical "lingo" and I thought if I could read the report I could find out if I was looking at having to have a back surgery, or I was wondering if the pain was coming from further deterioration of my already injured discs or had I perhaps herniated more discs and which ones? So with both anticipation and dread (with this much pain I knew it wasn't going to paint a pretty picture), I began to read the results. The words PLASMOCYTOMA and TUMOR and SUSPICIOUS NEOPLASM jumped off the page at me as if I had been hit with a baseball bat (we prefer softball in this family though!). Hit Hard. Really really hard. I read and reread and reread again to make sure I was reading it right. The words became a blur and my heart started racing like it was going to literally burst. The adrenaline was just rushing and rushing throughout my body. I didn't need to look up any definitions for any of those words, I knew exactly what they meant. SO.......I just sat there, breathing and breathing to calm myself down. I then folded the report and put it in my nightstand. I said nothing to no one.

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