Friday, May 29, 2009

Walking A Thin Fine Line......

I addressed this gently several entries ago, but want to write a little more about it....thank you for indulging me while I "think and pray out loud". As a person that has a life threatening illness, I find myself walking a thin fine line. What line you say? The thin fine line that the doctors "medical speak" about, the thin fine line that all the research reports, the thin fine line that studies and trials that are done say.....about whatever your particular disease may be and what it holds in store for you. The other side of that thin fine line is my spiritual beliefs, my metaphysical beliefs, and my deep down gut feeling beliefs, that I WILL find a way to live a longer, healthy and productive life despite what "they" say. Many many years ago, I embarked on a quest....a spiritual journey you might say, to get to know myself, understand myself and to figure out the most productive way to handle life "issues". That's when, to make a long story short, I say to all, that my "mantra" for living is the Serenity Prayer. A shortcut refresher...."Lord, Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference". For me, that pretty much is all there is to it. So few words, that to me, explain so much. If I can do something about something, well I'll do my damnedest to it. If I cannot do anything to change the situation, I turn it over to the Universe and then get out of the way! :) (that's the hardest part, by the way!) My present work is cut out for me, I am well aware, but when I compare the strength of MY feelings and put them square up against what "they" say.....well I must tell you, my feelings win out. I can't truly put my full beliefs into what the medical world tells me when placed up against what my higher self is telling me. There are too many unexplainable things that occur in this Universe.....dare I call them miracles? There is SO MUCH more that we do not know, compared to what we do know. (no matter what your IQ is!) I have thought long and hard about even writing about this, as I'm sure some of you are thinking...ok..she's finally lost it (time to check her temperature) LOL :) But to those of you who really know me and my core beliefs and values, understand what I am talking about. I just cannot fully believe that my time is as limited as they say. I refuse to believe it, and am placing my beliefs uppermost at this point and that's my new starting point. Don't get me wrong, the medical profession knows ALOT about alot.....but not everything. They do not have all the answers. They work with numbers and statistics and the scientific explainable. Only the Universe holds all the answers and that's where my strong connection is. There of course is a time and place for medical interventions, that's why the Universe made doctors and scientists, but the greater interventions are from the unknown......I believe we have an untapped power to create and to change so many things that we are unaware of. What made me write about this or even to begin thinking about this part of my life? SPRING CLEANING (I knew it had to have a purpose besides getting rid of old stuff you should have chucked years ago!) When I started the Spring cleaning process over a month or so ago, I pulled out many of my old books (my gosh, some of them are from the 80's when I first started this spiritual journey), and gave myself a short refresher course to begin the quest again and with hopefully a different perspective than over 20+ years ago, (assuming one becomes wiser as the years go by) and felt this overwhelming feeling of relief.....like a boulder had been lifted off my shoulders......somewhat like I had also been given a map of sorts, to begin anew my return to ACTIVE questing. It's always been there (ie, see Serenity Prayer above), but truth be told, I haven't newly quested in a many years (although I still toss my Runes from time to time) and I interestingly enough (nothing happens by accident) also have been given, within the last few months, some new material to read as well as different visualizations and other tools, to assist in my renewed excitement to begin active questing once again. All of these little pieces came together to gently nudge me to again renew my active commitment to my spiritual self. I pray to be and to remain open to all that is being shown to me. It will come in many forms.....people, places, things, animals, and nature. All we have to do is believe.

2 comments:

Susan said...

Amen sister!!! I agree..doctors do know alot but they are only throwing out numbers. The only one who knows what is in store for us is God. I truly believe He is in control of everything. We do not now what is in store for us and so does no one else. Enjoy everyday to its fullest.

colleen said...

You are so right..We have to believe that all live challenges are for a reason. At times it takes awhile but then we have that Aha moment.
Such a wonderful Mothers day with lindsay surprize..I cried while reading...
You are always in my heart and prayers...I love you..